Motherhood

Why am I starting a Blog?

Why did I decide to start a blog? Do I really want to share my inner most thoughts out there for anyone to see? Am I interesting? Are people going to judge me? Will they think I am a bad Mum? Will they think I am an attention seeker? Does anybody even care? OMG I am overthinking this! Okay so why am I here. Because being a parent is tough! We get love and connection but we also get sleepless nights, fear of failure, fear of missing out, relationship conflict and parental guilt. We get our patience and our limits tested and we can’t just call in sick or hide in a pillow fort (I tried they found me). Some days are filled with laughter and some with tears. None of us are perfect, but it is so easy to beat ourselves up when life does not go to plan.

 

I had this very clear picture of the Mum I was going to be. A Fun Mum, who played with the kids, and volunteered at the school and loved every minute of motherhood. A Mum who balanced Motherhood and a career and a social life and did it all with joy. But the reality wasn’t what I pictured. I really struggled, as so many do, with becoming a Mum. Of having this little being so dependent on me, of needing me day and night and just how crippling sleep deprivation can be!

 

In 2013, Pregnant with my third child I had my lowest point, I hated the mother I had become. I had experienced depression before and I knew I had to get on top of it early. I didn’t know where to go for help, I called the helplines and spoke to my doctor and was diagnosed with perinatal depression. I spoke to a psychologist and having a safe space to talk and vent my frustration was great but it was not enough. I needed practical steps to get myself moving forward again and I was not getting that. Eventually I found an online program that helped me breakthrough my beliefs to see what was holding me back. I started to really understand what it was that was leaving me feeling like a failure everyday. I learnt easy practical steps to get myself moving forward again. Most importantly I learnt I was not alone.

 

I dedicated 2014 to personal development and growth. This was not about my kids it was about me, loving me so I could be the best Mum I could be. Not only did I make the changes I needed I got to connect with and support so many other parents along the way by supporting those doing the programs after me. Life was going my way again. And did so for 2 years. It was not perfect but I was riding the highs and lows and looking at the bigger picture. About 6 months ago I fell into a rut, I slipped back into those old thought patterns, anger, resentment, anxiety and sadness. I didn’t even realise for a few weeks, I was on autopilot and I was miserable. I felt like a failure, I had worked so hard, invested so much time and money into my personal development and here I was, back in that old head space again. Something needed to change. It was not going to be easy, in fact it was f***ing hard! I dug in my heels, blamed the world and blamed myself. I let all the old beliefs play out and felt sorry for myself. I cried and I yelled and I threw my very own adult tantrum. None of it helped. I know I need to pick myself up and make the change only I can make

That’s why I am here. This is me, real and raw. I am ready to pick myself up, make my own mental health a priority and reconnect with my own family. I will listen to my heart and parent from a place of Love not fear.

Thank you for joining me.

 

Mich xx

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